the thing about writing is that youre not living
i was thinking, most likely because the thought was put there by someone else, that the reason it seems easiest to write about one's youth, or youth in general, is the fact that most of those who write in their adulthood are always consciously aware of experiences as fodder for an upcoming story or manuscript or whatever... my best friend carries a notebook to jot down interesting things people say if he happens to hear them. but as a kid, we did whatever we did with no such intention to document it. so the experiences were much more honest. however, im no longer a kid, so here are the past few days:

i cant think past last wednesday. so ill start there. i was working. and i tried to work twice. ive done this several times throughout my career with mixed results. well, first scene with kristina rose was pretty banging. some deepthroat website. went off without a hitch. second scene, i kind of failed. for some reason this didnt bum me out as much as it used to... except that the girl was extremely beautiful and i just couldnt keep my dick up for the life of me. i guess ill just stick to my limits for now on.

anyways, the following day i worked again. thursday. it was some adam & eve bree olson movie. alan stafford, who ive come to like quite a bit, was there doing dialog all day. good to have someone to hang out with on features. a bunch of other people were there too, but they didnt talk to me half as much. sometime in the early evening i did a scene with alexis texas. condom only, most likely due to the recent HIV scare. went pretty well if i may say so myself. the problem of the sun going down during the scene will have to be left up to someone else to deal with.

next day, friday: i flew up to San Francisco to work for kink.com. do the whole femdom men in pain thing. i was booked with a milfy looking woman, which i was sort of bummed about at first. its like, come on... i do this pretty much every day in LA. you gotta give it to me up there too? but she was cool and brand new to the domination so she didnt beat me up too bad. i was just in tons of crazy bondage. at one point they wrapped my arms in legs up in vet wrap so that i was walking on my elbows. i looked like a gimp on all fours. the point was that i act like a dog. so when she fucked me in the ass and forced me to bark, i must say i felt the most sexually humiliated as i could remember, but also the most honestly entrenched in "sub-space" and so it was a sort of profound degradation, the kind that is supposed to happen in such scenarios. i also got put in some mild suspension that was actually pretty comfortable for the first few minutes. so, all in all, successful.

that evening i slept a very long time, and woke up to run to AIM, get tested, and then head to the doctor's to renew my cialis prescription. i returned home to sleep some more and awoke kind of restless. i searched the internet for any fun shows going on that night, but nothing interested me. i guess PJ harvey was playing block from my house but i dont really like PJ harvey and her fans were acting as a huge nuisance, causing a great deal of foot and car traffic.

anyways, while looking over the pages of twitter, i found out a cute girl from illinois was in town doing some burning angel stuff so we hung out all night. ended up being quite a bit of fun but skewing my sleep schedule even more into unhealthy territory... you know, when you go to bed at 6am.

so sunday, father's day, was most unproductive, though i did talk to my father and my little brother, who was having dinner with the father. i miss my little brother quite a bit, and i guess my father as well, though in a different way. so after that, i sauntered out of my apartment to catch a free screening of this horror movie called "parasomnia." i guess former porn star, jane hamilton, produced it, and the trailer looked interesting enough, so i was curious... of course. ended up not making a lot of sense and wasnt even that good with the gore or anything. so aside from some nice visual moments, it was a lackluster experience. though i still got to enjoy some subway afterwards, chilling on the couch with this new grad student friend of mine. he lives in an old hay loft from some colonial looking building across from USC. its pretty awesome. his short films are also pretty awesome. we called up another of our friends and headed to this venue called The Smell to see a bunch of electronica acts like starfucker and captain ahab. the venue was fucking rad even though the audience was predominantly high school kids. maybe that makes it better. anyways, one of the guys from captain ahab was actually an actor in a student film i did sound on. except this time i saw him sweating in his underwear and dancing to hardcore trance music. i think he punched me in the eye. not too hard. it was a lot of fun. i saw mclovin from superbad there, and hes a total hipster.

i dont know whats happened since then. worked on my book yesterday and went to the gym.